Royal Purple

Issue date: 1/30/08 Section: Lifestyle

Ask Abi [Click to enlarge]

Dear Abi,

Do you think that it is possible that two people of the opposite sex can just remain close friends, or do you think that at some point that line will be crossed?

Wondering in Whitewater

Dear Wondering in Whitewater,

Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if questions such as this were answered with a simple yes or no? Although my answer isn't that succinct, I hope it can at least provide you with steps in the right direction.

Your relationships-whether friendship or romantic-with the opposite sex have a lot to do with how you were raised. Did you have friends who were the opposite sex when you were in grade school? Do you have siblings of the opposite sex? Do you have a close relationship with your opposite sex parent? If you answered yes to any of the above, you probably have an easier time relating to the opposite sex than others do. If you answered no, don't lose all hope just yet.

A friendship isn't just based on your background, but also the background of the other person involved.

So what do you do? Drum roll please, for Abi's two-step solution …

1.) Start with being yourself. Friendship is a beautiful thing, not to be taken for granted. If you feel that you are developing feelings for your friend, chances are those feelings didn't just happen overnight. Just like your friend and you probably share the same taste in music and movies, you most likely share the same feelings about who you like. There's a good chance that your feelings are mutual.

If you feel that your friend is developing deeper feelings for you, do your best to not push yourself away or act awkwardly when you are around them. Stay open-minded; sometimes the best things are unexpected things.

So far not too difficult, right? The next step is perhaps the hardest step, and with it I include the disclosure that it is easier said than done.

2.) You need to confront them.

Let it come naturally; you can sit in front of your mirror and run through every conversation scenario imaginable, but the best conversations are impromptu and from your heart. While expressing your feelings to someone important isn't a cakewalk, you'll feel an incredible relief once it's off your chest.

I know that walking the thin line between friends and lovers comes with the risk of ruining a friendship. But if this is the great friendship you believe it to be, it will be able to sustain a situation like this.

Weigh your options - the worst thing that could happen would be that your friendship is awkward for a trivial period of time. Even though, someday you'll probably look back and laugh at the situation.

The best thing that could happen is that your friend could completely reciprocate your feelings, and the two of you can take that gutsy, yet ever-so-rewarding step over "the line of friendship" together.

I'm a strong believer in the saying that "everything happens for a reason;" take a chance, and the result will probably be worth your while.

Best of luck,
Abi

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